birds.

by alittlelove

Days ago:
I’ve been sick for the past 10 days.
I thought I had Mono, but the doctor said I didn’t…so whatever.
I’m still a bit tired and have a cough. I go back to work on Monday. You can be praying for me.
I’m at my boyfriend’s house right now. It is rather stuffy and I think I’m going to go outside.
Right. Good idea. I’m going outside right now…

Ok.
I’m outside.

What to write about?
Well, I could tell you about my realization of happiness and how it is won and then how it is mended when it is torn.
Or I could write about my relationship with my friend Nat. How things are going and different struggles we have run into as a couple, as friends.
Or I could write about waiting in line with the homeless people to get an appointment at Whitebird, because I don’t have insurance.

I will not write about these things at the moment, for something different is pressing on my heart.
Something called love, and something called war.
My mind has been clouded with so many things…and even more clouded with this sickness I’ve got. Clarity comes sometimes in the most unusual times though. God has been teaching me one thing over and over. He matters most. And at the end of the day, no matter what I think is most important, He reigns supreme in my tender heart. There is no one like Jesus. No one who loves like Jesus. No one who cares like Jesus. No one who wants to spend time with me more than Jesus. I don’t want anything else.

Today:
The birds have been flying south. Fall will be born soon and Winter threatens ice to our fingers. Birds flying south have a sentimental place in my heart. I remember sitting out in the front yard as a little girl and watching them loudly ‘V’ across the sky. Part of me wants to be like those birds. Flying south. Truth is, I like change. I like newness. Those birds started a war in my heart. They made me want to fly south. Do something different. My life has always been like this. Satisfaction is not the issue. I am satisfied, with the life that God has given me. It is a beautiful life. A gift. So, on the issue of flying south: if I have learned one thing in life, that is to love God, love people, and love what you do. Simple as that. I have always been a simple person though. Call me silly or odd or irrational, but the longer I live and the more people I get connected with, the more I learn to love life. The more I learn what to love and whom to love. I honestly I don’t love the same things I used to. This is good. This is the Spirit working on my heart. Removing things and replacing things that only He knows how to do. It makes me happy. So this bird, is flying south or rather ready to make change in my community. I talk a lot about radical living and inspiring people. God challenged me this morning though. He asked me if I was really truly doing this. I thought for a minute. I’m still thinking about it. I feel like a half way. Like I’m almost doing what He wants me to. I lack some things, but I am growing. Truly growing. Are you?
love la.

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