I am home now. My mind is cluttered with good things, and my heart is becoming good ground. Good ground that can be cultivated. I’ve been thinking about life. Injuries make their home in my heart as I remember things that used to be. Being small and sitting in wild flower fields..playing dolls..picking flowers…writing underneath the sunflowers that lined our old fence. The fence that is barely there anymore. Much like this old town. Much like the economy now. Dry. Desert. Empty.
These things that rid us of joy. Why? Why are we emptied when these material things are diminished? Last night Nat read me to sleep over skype. He read something about material things, and this morning I woke up with something different in my heart. I was thinking about Lot’s wife, imagining what it would be like. Her looking back. Desolation. What about me? Have I been looking back? Worrying about past things? I realized something. I need not look back, no matter what I might see ahead. Don’t look back. Joy can be found in the now, and hope is more present than it has ever been in my life. There is a single joy that never runs dry..a fountain that is filled with blood. Jesus. Jesus is not materialistic. He is real. Forever real. Alive.
Jesus is the sweetest thing to me.
I only need Him.
Hope in Him.
Not in the now
Just in Him.