if i suffer.

by alittlelove

I feel like weeping.
Things aren’t going well for my mamy at work.
I feel bad…really bad.

I stood in worship yesterday, my hands raised, stretched out as far as they could go.  My heart was screaming for my God to hear my prayers.  Hard things have been happening.  My hands tensed as I sang ‘i’ll stand/arms high and heart abandon/in awe of the One who gave it all…‘.  My heart has this aching in it.  It won’t stop.  Compassion is like blood in my veins.  The other day, my darling friend Aubrianne and I had a little phone chat.  She encouraged me, and we ended in a word of prayer.  Then we said goodbye.  I opened my eyes..I was standing in the rain with my red umbrella, still in my pajamas, hair a mess of braids, and pink cheeks.  ‘ not even the rain has such small hands‘.  I skipped around happy and then burst into prayer…the prayer turned into a crying session with God.  They are all hurting, and I don’t know how to help.  I wept hard.

The woodpecker needs birdseed.

Suffering is required in life though.  My life lacks it…I feel very blessed for having such a small amount of suffering, but should I be asking for more?
Suffering brings us to God.
O I am afraid to ask for such a scary thing.  More suffering please?
ria.

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