O dear. I am sorry I haven’t written lately. I’ve been having a hard time with life. A very hard time.
I started a new job on Monday. I now work 53 hours a week..BUT, I’ve come down with a horrible cold..so I can’t go to work right now. So I get to blog. Hmm..this is what my Monday looked like…I think it is sort of funny..you might enjoy this..
I wake up early. 5:30ish…I lay in bed feeling like crying..I didn’t want to get up and go to work. I wanted to stay home. Not because I’m lazy mind you, because I am a very hard worker…you give me a job, I will do it. I just wanted to stay home, and bake bread..do things like that. I got up, my eyes still half closed, my arm asleep, my throat hurting. I walked into the kitchen. Made myself some breakfast..sat down and read my Bible. Some of Esther. Bell left me a note telling me to read it. I read a few chapters..then I wept a little..then I got up to get dressed. Washed my face..applied sunscreen..then my daddy drove me to my first day of work. I felt like crying the entire day. One thing you must know..I am very thankful for this new job. I really needed a full time job. I really enjoy doing the work..and I love my co-workers..they are all so nice. I am just having a hard time being away from home so much. After 8 hours of training..my daddy came(late) to pick me up. It wasn’t his fault..there was a mis-communication. So, I rushed in the house with 30 min. to get ready for job number two. I threw on a new dress that one of my dear friends had given me…put a bandana in my hair..some earrings..and then i started crying..I sat on Tandy’s bed not able to control the flow of tears. I was quite discouraged that I had to go work MORE after the 8 hours I had just completed.
“why do i have to go to work?”
My eyes red and hair messy,
“my feet hurt..”
My heart’s desire running fast from my mouth:
“i just want to be a mother and play ®play-do with my kids!”
Tears streaming down my face:
“why can’t i stop crying! i need to leave for work in 15 min. and i have to put my make-up on!”
I was able to stop crying.
Work went well, because Bell showed up.
I went home at 11:00 p.m.
Then I cried myself to sleep.
It was a rough day.
“i’m pretty sure it rained the day i died…“~Fiction Family
So you may ask, what is the point of this breakdown? Why? Because it is so far from what I want to be doing. All this working long hours has made me realize exactly what I want to do with my life. I want to be a wife and mother. This is no longer something that I think I want to do..It is something I KNOW I want to do. With all my heart♥ I feel so far from that right now..half the time I feel like screaming:
Dear Future Husband: Where are you? and why won't you marry me? yours, ria.
But then again…I don’t want to rush things. :]
(i don’t even know who future husband is…)
There is a reason for all this. The LORD told me that♥
That has been my life the past few days. Dear friends♥I am sorry if I haven’t been writing you very consistently lately. I haven’t forgotten about you. I love♥you all very much.