working woman.

by alittlelove

O dear.  I am sorry I haven’t written lately.  I’ve been having a hard time with life.  A very hard time.
I started a new job on Monday.  I now work 53 hours a week..BUT, I’ve come down with a horrible I can’t go to work right now.  So I get to blog.  Hmm..this is what my Monday looked like…I think it is sort of might enjoy this..

I wake up early.  5:30ish…I lay in bed feeling like crying..I didn’t want to get up and go to work.  I wanted to stay home.  Not because I’m lazy mind you, because I am a very hard worker…you give me a job, I will do it.  I just wanted to stay home, and bake things like that.  I got up, my eyes still half closed, my arm asleep, my throat hurting.  I walked into the kitchen.  Made myself some breakfast..sat down and read my Bible.  Some of Esther.  Bell left me a note telling me to read it.  I read a few chapters..then I wept a little..then I got up to get dressed.  Washed my face..applied sunscreen..then my daddy drove me to my first day of work.  I felt like crying the entire day.  One thing you must know..I am very thankful for this new job.  I really needed a full time job.  I really enjoy doing the work..and I love my co-workers..they are all so nice.  I am just having a hard time being away from home so much.  After 8 hours of daddy came(late) to pick me up.  It wasn’t his fault..there was a mis-communication.  So, I rushed in the house with 30 min. to get ready for job number two.  I threw on a new dress that one of my dear friends had given me…put a bandana in my hair..some earrings..and then i started crying..I sat on Tandy’s bed not able to control the flow of tears.  I was quite discouraged that I had to go work MORE after the 8 hours I had just completed.

I cried,

why do i have to go to work?”
My eyes red and hair messy,
my feet hurt..”
i’m tired
My heart’s desire running fast from my mouth:
i just want to be a mother and play ®play-do with my kids!”
Tears streaming down my face:
why can’t i stop crying!  i need to leave for work in 15 min. and i have to put my make-up on!”

I was able to stop crying.
Work went well, because Bell showed up.

I went home at 11:00 p.m.
Then I cried myself to sleep.

It was a rough day.

i’m pretty sure it rained the day i died…“~Fiction Family

So you may ask, what is the point of this breakdown?  Why?  Because it is so far from what I want to be doing.  All this working long hours has made me realize exactly what I want to do with my life.  I want to be a wife and mother.  This is no longer something that I think I want to do..It is something I KNOW I want to do.  With all my heart♥  I feel so far from that right now..half the time I feel like screaming:

Dear Future Husband:
Where are you?
and why won't you marry me?

But then again…I don’t want to rush things.  :]
(i don’t even know who future husband is…)

There is a reason for all this.  The LORD told me that♥

That has been my life the past few days.  Dear friends♥I am sorry if I haven’t been writing you very consistently lately.  I haven’t forgotten about you.  I love♥you all very much.