hard. hot. day.

O today has been hard..so hard.  I feel short, and hot, and frustrated, but I’m trying very hard to stay on the happy side of things.  I think this is mainly because I haven’t had anything to do today, which is not the best.  So I started my line of wedding veils.  They should be out in the early spring, or before that.  We’ll see.  I feel like I’m stuck in the house, but it is much to hot to go outside.  Maybe I’ll make a cake or something.  I’ve been trying to work on a song…got the tune down, but.I.need.some.lyrics.  Any ideas?

Hard

hot

day.

I feel so empty.  I hate feeling empty.  I really do.  I don’t know what is going to happen.  I would say it is doubt, but I know the LORD has everything under control.  I guess it’s more of a discontentment.  I hate being discontent.  Because Jesus is all that fills me..so why am I like this?  And lonliness…but I’m here with my family.  So why in the world am I lonley?  I want something more.  Is that against the rules?  Is it wrong to want something new..something that can be added to what you are?  Is it wrong to want to let go of the mundane things, and go on an adventure?  Is it wrong?  Because right now I feel like I’m missing something, and I can’t quite put a nail in it.  I love love love my family.  And I am happy when I am with them.  And the LORD is always with me.  So what am I missing?  N.o.t.h.i.n.g.

I think I’ll go dance now.  I really need to dance.

-ria♥

tag.you.are.it.

So, I was tagged by my dear sister Bella in a game of “share things you love”{or something like that}. So I am going to share a few things that I love. Here goes…

.Jesus
.Recording music, and then editing and playing with the reverb
.laughing at you (o;
.Making pies..I love love making pies.
.the smell of grass right after it is rained on
.Laying in the street
.And wearing high heels

.
Tag, your it!
Face Value
Rockstar diaries
Dandelions*
Conversations
NieNie

Smile today…the sun is out you know(o;

coin laundry and missing you tonight.

I miss everyone.

So.much.

I just want to talk face to face with my training buddies.  I just want to go to McDonalds with them.  I just want to stand on the street corner with my “trust in Jesus” sign.  I just want to go to a movie with them, and eat popcorn, and pop-tarts.  I miss them.

I am home now though.  And really happy.  Very happy.  This missing today isn’t the sad brooding “life is ending” missing.  It’s a missing because I love my friends.  Just wanted to let you guys know that I miss you.  A lot.

….

Let’s see..what happend today?  Well, I cut Bella’s hair, wrote a letter, cut my own hair, and felt like dancing.  I wish it would rain.  I want it to so badly.  I still need a dress for the wedding…maybe I’ll check etsy.com.  I’m thinking of making pizza tonight.  With cornmeal on the bottom.  A friend taught me that, and now I think it is the best way to make pizza. (o;

Found this adorable video on the rockstar diaries:

My sister’s overheard this in the kitchen and asked if it was something that I had recorded.  I wish!

………..

Let Jesus overtake your heart.  Tonight go dance with Him.

-ria♥

In your atmosphere.

O I am so in love with this song.  So in love..(o:

Cain and Abel.

This morning I woke up with the idea that I was going to go help my mother with her library storytime…instead my sister got the flu and I had to fill in “part-time” babysitter. I am quite tired now…but it was a nice morning nonetheless. Sometimes I think I would like to be a nanny. I read lots and lots and lots of book, made pb&j sandwiches(which the little boys proceeded to wipe all over themselves..a joy to clean up), and played trains with one of the little tykes. I was “on the floor” playing trains mind you..in my dress..on my knees…hard to play trains like that. Anyway, I was Molly the train and he was Billy the truck, and we had a smashing time. Billy the truck said something that really hit something in Ria’s brain though. He said to Molly,”We are going on an adventure.” in a very matter of fact way. And I thought how marvelous it would be if relationships were like that. The guy initiates it, and the girl follows{on this adventure}. Why can’t more men be like that? Why can’t they just buck up and say..we are doing this now, and I really want you to come with me. Anyway, I thought that was cute..really cute. Guys, seriously, go take your lady on an adventure(o;
————-
The other side of the day though was quite awful. Awful in a sense that I saw something that I had never seen before. I met Cain and Abel today. I really did, and it was so sad, and I couldn’t do anything about it. The older brother was so hard towards the younger one. They were building a train track at one point, and the younger one was so excited because he knew how great his older was at building train tracks. So “Abel” kept talking, and getting more excited, and was just so awe struck of his brother. “Cain” kept telling him to be quiet though..in a very mean way. “Abel” told “Cain” that he loved him, “Cain” said nothing. And then it hit me. This could most likely be exactly what the real Cain and Abel were like. Abel probably loved Cain to death, but Cain didn’t care a bit. He was to hard, and proud, and empty, and set in his ways to feel anything. They were very real people you know. So real…and sometimes we just look by those things. In reality there are many “Cains and Abels”. Are you one of them? My challenge to you…love your brother..no matter what..even if he hates you..NEVER hate him back. Don’t use your brother as a ladder. It will only hurt him AND YOU in the end.
—————
My little sister has the flu. Pray for her, and the rest of the family(that we wouldn’t catch it).
—————
Martial arts outside[in 100 degree weather] does not sound very fun right now.
and I really need an upright piano…you have no idea.

-ria

*and if anyone needs a button for your blog made..I would be more than happy to do it.
  Just send me a shout out, and I will get to work.

love necklaces.

My aunt sent me a link for Anthropologie.  Love love love it♥

I particularly  like their line of necklaces..so much in fact, I may try and make one..

Isn’t it adorable?

Anthropologie is quite spendy…{I could never bring myself to purchase something so expensive}…but it would give you awesome ideas.  And if you were Bella?  Writing inspiration(o;

-ria♥

what are you wearing?

Last night a little conversation about clothing went on. The conclusion? I said I was always going to dress cute for my husband(if I ever run into one), even when I’m old. And to all those ladies who love sweats..maybe your guy will be completely crazy about them. Then you could get matching sweatsuits. Really, it’s all in the heart. What you wear doesn’t display your heart(in a sense it does..but we won’t go there now), and vanity is never the answer. I still think my husband is going to enjoy how I dress.
(o;

…………..

Scored big time at the goodwill yesterday.  Bright pink designer flats.  Made me smile.  $2.50?  I just couldn’t leave them on the shelf. (o;

Made a skirt with Bella the other day.  What do you think?

recording and Kombucha.

I’ve been

thinking

thinking

thinking

about cutting a record lately.  My friend NaThan(the one you should hire for your next photo shoot) owns a studio, and I really want to go there, but I am not sure if I should do that.  I don’t want it to be about me…I never want to turn into that selfish monster(I’ve been there one to many times) that only serves the flesh.  If I go into music it will be for only one thing: the glory of God.  I’m going to take it a day at a time…one. day. at. a. time.  If you want to hear some good music though..check out Nathan’s ep.  It is fabulous(o;

You see..I’ve always wanted to be a “rockstar” ever since I was little.  It has been a dream of mine..then I lost it.  I didn’t really sing for a long period of time, because I was singing for self..and it’s kind of hypocritical to sing for self and serve Christ.  Then I started to pick it up again, and my parents got me a darling Michael Kelly for graduation.  I love it to death.  I did some song writing projects with a friend..which I think turned out wonderful, but in the end they just made me mad.  Then I did some others with another friend, and they turned out wonderful, and I just wanted to sing more!  I am happiest when I am singing for Jesus.  Hands down.  I believe that music was designed for the glory of the Father.  Music really is a beautiful creation, and I want so much for it to be used with purpose.  What do you think about music?  Is it okay if it pleases us more than it pleases the Father?

I’m going to go enjoy some blueberries now.  Made a brilliant batch of Kombucha.  The best yet in fact.  I’ve been researching it on Google.com.  Quite interesting….  I still can’t decide if I like drinking it though…

Have a beautiful day.

-ria♥

jars.

“

I’ve been living out of sanityI’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines

I am a house that is divided

In my heart and in my mind

I use one hand to pull closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high

I have a broken disposition
I’m a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof

And if we just keep digging we can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We’ll lose control

And it feels like giving inIt feels like starting over

It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming

It feels like a brand new day

Open your eyes

“

{Two Hands:Jars of Clay}

a cup of tea: and the book of John

I’ve already showered, had a bowl of oatmeal, still drinking my tea, and now I have to go get ready for church. God is so very good. I woke up this morning a little miffed(because I had a “not so happy” dream), but after my little quiet time things got better. I finished up the book of John this morning. I think it is the sweetest story ever. While I was reading those last two chapters, I put myself in the disciples position..you know, they were exactly like you and I. That gives me so much hope. They weren’t these super heroes( think of Peter! He denied Christ, and then witnessed the resurrection. How beautiful is that?). My heart is so completely full and hopeful right now. They messed up, but Jesus didn’t give up on them. Jesus still loved them. Even when I feel like I’m not worth it, Jesus still loves me. Even when I don’t meet the standards of someone else, Jesus is still right next to me coaching me along. He is never going to leave me either. He is always going to be there, and He is never going to give up on me. Something I’ve learned since being home from the program…people can talk about how to live the Christian life, but until you are deep into the middle of it, and sitting in the valley, you are not truly experiencing what Jesus meant when He said “take up your cross and follow me“. Sometimes it’s hard to keep looking up, but seriously, that is what you have to do. Keep moving forward no matter what anyone tells you. You live your life not the life of anyone else. Every life has a different layout. I love that.

Well…I need to go get all spiffied up. Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday. Focus on Christ. Fall more in love with Him.
-ria